Post by PaintWalker on Mar 18, 2009 6:59:42 GMT -5
The "Revised" Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot...and means you probably live in D-troit.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked...or you probably live in D-troit. The only reason for haveing that cap on crooked is because I slapped you upside you noggin for being a dumb-a$$.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Get out of the way! And you probably would have been smarter to buy a Buick that was made in Lansing.
4. To us they are cattle. Think of them as live steaks. We raise pigs. Think of them as succulent pork. They smell funny to you, but they smell like money to us...and they are DELICIOUS. Get over it.
5. We're not impressed that you have a $60,000 car. We have $150,000 corn pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. We even race them now! (Think of Frank from the movie "Cars".
6. Every person in rural Michigan waves at you. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. This is why you have a "vibrate" feature.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9.. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the 15th of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age or looks.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. Amen.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. This is for in front of the kids...don't bogart the weed....soon to be legalized and taxed like crazy...that should also end the use of weed.
15. College & High School Football is more important here than the Lions or the Pistons, & a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses...more than any other state in the Union. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, Private colleges and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays...
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Plus we have the Michigan Militia!
So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Don't forget the 4 million registered guns.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers.. Refer back to #1.
20. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry...or as we say, normal winter. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska ! Worst case, you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
21. I-94 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one. And I-69 is the other interstate and a declaration of our fun loving spirit!
22. One of the coolest forms of music ever invented comes out of D-troit. It's called Motown. It represents us...fun loving and full of spirit.
A true Michigander will send this on.
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot...and means you probably live in D-troit.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked...or you probably live in D-troit. The only reason for haveing that cap on crooked is because I slapped you upside you noggin for being a dumb-a$$.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Get out of the way! And you probably would have been smarter to buy a Buick that was made in Lansing.
4. To us they are cattle. Think of them as live steaks. We raise pigs. Think of them as succulent pork. They smell funny to you, but they smell like money to us...and they are DELICIOUS. Get over it.
5. We're not impressed that you have a $60,000 car. We have $150,000 corn pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. We even race them now! (Think of Frank from the movie "Cars".
6. Every person in rural Michigan waves at you. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. This is why you have a "vibrate" feature.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9.. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the 15th of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age or looks.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. Amen.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. This is for in front of the kids...don't bogart the weed....soon to be legalized and taxed like crazy...that should also end the use of weed.
15. College & High School Football is more important here than the Lions or the Pistons, & a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses...more than any other state in the Union. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, Private colleges and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays...
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Plus we have the Michigan Militia!
So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Don't forget the 4 million registered guns.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers.. Refer back to #1.
20. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry...or as we say, normal winter. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska ! Worst case, you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
21. I-94 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one. And I-69 is the other interstate and a declaration of our fun loving spirit!
22. One of the coolest forms of music ever invented comes out of D-troit. It's called Motown. It represents us...fun loving and full of spirit.
A true Michigander will send this on.